Trigun Commercials
by LadyUranus
Summary: You've seen these on TV, now see your favorite characters do them... their *own* way.


Trigun Commercials  
  
Author's Note #1: No spoilers here! Promise! Just well- meant fun. Please don't blame me if anyone seems OOC. I don't own Vash, or any of the Trigun cast, but if I did I would go bankrupt from buying donuts for him. Now I'm simply bankrupt for buying DVDs… ^_^ Enjoy!  
  
Despite massive amounts of money earned by filming "Trigun" the cast has found the money they were paid not useful. They have yen, American dollars, even some lose Canadian pennies, but that's not very useful in a world where they used double dollars. Therefore the group has decided the best way to earn desperately needed cash is through commercials. Join me on our wonderful walk through Happy Donut Land. (Stolen name I know… visit the site it's great! http://www.geocities.com/stoker1439/hdl/)  
  
1 Vash  
  
Vash walked in, red-coatless, to the disappointment fo the fangirls screaming outside the studios. His face had a very plastered grin on, and looked very dorky, as usual.  
  
The director sat down in his chair as Vash stepped on his mark and cleared his throat.  
  
"Action!"  
  
Vash's smile widened as he faced the camera,  
  
"Hello! I'm Vash the Stampede, here today to tell you about the importance of saving electricity. Just as Rem always told me, saving this planet is important. And the best way you can help is to turn off the lights as often as possible."  
  
The lights in the studio went black, in order to 'show the children the importance of saving electricity.' Vash, standing in the dark, spoke to the camera again,  
  
"Actually, now that I think about it, being in the dark is kind of… scary!!!!!"  
  
With that, Vash screamed a very wimpy and girlish scream, while running out of the studio.  
  
The director jumped off his chair and yelled through his megaphone,  
  
"Cut! Cut! Cut! What was that?!?!?!"  
  
2 Wolfwood  
  
Wolfwood, in his normally black suit, walked into the studio and sat in a large ornate chair. He heard the director shout at him to begin, and spoke to the cameras,  
  
"Hello. My name is Nicholas D. Wolfwood. I'm hear today to tell you the importance of planning in advance. It is important for you to consider the possibility of a loved one passing away, and to make the necessary arrangements in the case of this happening in advance."  
  
He took a deep breath and continued,  
  
"Here at 'Put-A-Generic-Name-Here Funeral Parlors,' we understand how important your deceased loved one is, and will make sure their funeral is done with care. Call the number at the bottom of your screen for more information about this offer."  
  
With that, Wolfwood walked out of the studio and onto the street. With a flowing movement he opened his large shining white wings and flew back up to the clouds.  
  
3 Meryl  
  
Meryl found herself walked over to asset which looked like that of a psychiatrist's office. She was lead to a crimson divan, and she sat down. Various make-up and hairdressers made their finishing touches, and then disappeared as the director got ready to start. She was cued.  
  
"Did you know that a 27-year-old man with a $$60 billion bounty on his head can get term-insurance for only $$50 a month? And anyone else can get it for only $$15 a month?"  
  
Meryl's smile widened, simply for the sake of the audience,  
  
"Yes. At the Bernardelli Insurance Agency are prices are low, low, low! So come on down!"  
  
With a deep sigh, Meryl stomped about of the studio, muttering about the indecency of her job.  
  
4 Rem  
  
Rem walked in, floating slightly above the ground, as she was just an image from Vash's imagination and existed now only in the afterlife. She stood on her mark in front of the wide blue screen and smiled serenely at the director.  
  
"Ready?"  
  
The director groaned and got into his chair.  
  
"I hate non-profit commercials, just go!"  
  
Rem continued to smile happily at him, and looked toward the camera.  
  
"Love and peace in this world is very important. In order to preserve this peace the 'Society for Hippies Around the World' has been formed. I am proud to be the President of this society, and I hope you will be proud to be a member. Together we can protect the people of this planet and form a wonderful future. Thank you for taking the time to listen to this announcement."  
  
The director told the camera operator to cut, and left the studio. Rem disappeared into thin air, back into Vash's memories.  
  
5 Knives  
  
Knives glared at his twin brother as the make-up ladies smothered him with various powders. Someday…. How was he roped into this? The question might haunt him for the rest of his life. The director yelled at one of the stagehands,  
  
"Where are the orphan children?!?! Get them ready! Now!"  
  
The stagehand nodded dumbly and left, as the director stalked off to make sure the fake huts looked desecrated enough.  
  
Knives walked over to Vash, wishing he had a gun.  
  
Before he managed to get over there, he was taken by another evil lady to get his hair ready.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity of evil lesser beings playing with his hair and face, he was lead onto the set.  
  
A group of fake orphan children, in shoddy outfits and smudged faces came over, and he reluctantly lifted one of them up.  
  
The camera started,  
  
"Here in February, the children are so poor they can barely afford enough food. See how sad and hopeless they look? Your five cents can give a child a cup of water, and one dollar can give an entire village enough bread for one month. Help these poor starving children by joining the 'Save the Poor, Helpless Kids Fund." Think of how much good it will do to the stupid lesser-beings of this earth."  
  
The director's eyes widened as he stood and yelled at Knives,  
  
"What was that?!?! Follow the script!"  
  
Knives laughed and gave a disturbing grin,  
  
"Sorry. Bad habit."  
  
Legato  
  
Legato walked into the studio, his stride as slippery as the gel in his hair. His blue hair was stuck precisely into place. The make-up ladies from he** came over, muttering about how pale he looked. Legato surrendered to them and sat in a chair in front of a mirror lighted by light bulbs around its perimeter.  
  
"So what are you here for?" A nervous looking stage-hand asked.  
  
"That's a good question. What are we here for? To live? To die?"  
  
The stage-hand stared at him uncomprehendingly. Legato's facial expression didn't change. The stage-hand coughed and spoke once more,  
  
"I mean, what is your part in this commercial?"  
  
Legato turned around in his chair as the make-up ladies stopped putting powder on him.  
  
"I'm just supposed to stand there and look good and eventually be killed."  
  
The stage-hand sweatdropped.  
  
Author's Note #2: I hope you enjoyed these. I came up with the Vash one on sudden grant from my muse, and the rest just seemed to flow into it. It's awfully clichéd, but…. Oh well. Please review! I love reading them! And if you have a chance, download "Paradise" from Trigun. It's really sad, but I love it! (Oh, and read Katiria's and Queen Ehlana's stories!) Arigato! 


End file.
